Learning to be Positive-
Having an eating disorder is one of the most ultimate injuries: both as an athlete and as a person in general. Not only must you learn how to stop unhealthy behaviors and find a balanced middle in a physical sense, but parting ways with an eating disorder means completely changing your mindset about food, exercise, perfection, expectations, etc. The latter is the most difficult part. It requires taking a leap of faith and trusting others that your safe, comfortable world is actually abnormal and deadly. It requires giving up all you've ever known for a completely different lifestyle. It requires continued perseverance, support, and hard work despite having lapses and setbacks. Basically, it requires an incredible amount of strength from the one thing you are trying to change: your mind.
It comes as no surprise, then, that a person in recovery is often overwhelmed, stressed out, and prone to even more negative emotions that is typical for them. This is because a person in recovery must be on guard all day against two parts of his/her mental being: eating disordered thoughts, and normal, everyday stressors. The eating disordered thoughts, while in recovery, will typically always be nagging. It's when daily hassles combine with these thoughts that things become problematic. Suddenly, as my therapist likes to say, the mind is susceptible to "negative emotional override." A giant snowball of eating disordered thoughts already there is pushed down a hill by triggers/unfortunate daily happenings to accumulate more and more negative thoughts along the way. When my mind enters "negative emotional override" is usually when I binge. My racing thoughts become too overwhelming and I rely on stuffing myself and the subsequent feelings of fullness/guilt to numb.
I've found that the best thing for my recovery, then, or at least what makes things a lot easier, is doing my best to remain positive in all other aspects of my life. If my eating disorder, anxiety, and depression are already sending infinite amounts of negative thoughts my way, it is key that I try to incorporate as much positivity into my days while I am working on changing unhealthy mental patterns. So, I'd like to share with you all five things I tell myself, or do, to stay positive on a daily basis. We ALL struggle with keeping a positive outlook at times, just as we all will have adversities to face. Hopefully some of these ideas can help you along your journey, as they are helping me:
Big sis Stephanie (white hat) and little sis Sara chilling in New York City during the Winter break
Staying Positive-
1. Appreciate every situation. Lately, a trigger for me has been trying to get back into running shape. When I have a poor run, or my shin splints are giving me grief, it is easy to begin doubting myself and the possibility that I'll ever be able to be "good" again. Once these thoughts start creeping into my mind, they add to the following recurring ED thoughts and regrets such as: "I am not doing enough, I should have never taken off time for recovery, I am a failure for bingeing so much, I shouldn't even try" etc. As I've mentioned before, a few months back I would have been ecstatic if you told me I could run at a 7:30 min/pace per mile. Now that I'm making progress, however, I often find myself obsessing over the past and how I don't measure up to the athlete I used to be, how I still have a long ways to go, and how I'll probably never be as good as others since they didn't go through what I did. As you can see, just a small trigger (like a poor run) can lead into a snowball of negative thoughts and comparisons. To get out of this unhealthy pattern, during every run I have tried to appreciate the sole fact that I am able to move. I try not to focus on how fast I am going, where I used to be, where others are, or even where I want to be, for that matter. Instead, I focus on the joy of movement and how lucky I am to be able to run in the moment, because not all people are granted that gift and running is something that can quickly be taken away.
2. Love who you are today, while working towards who you want to become. Recently, I was told by someone I love dearly that I was just too much to handle being in contact with right now, because I am still recovering and bring a lot of extra stress to relationships. This is completely understandable, and admirable, even, because what this person did was set a boundary. In recovery, we learn that setting boundaries and distancing ourselves from people who may be adding to our stress is healthy. After being distanced from, however, I was very upset and started to beat myself up for the pace at which I am recovering. I started wishing that I was already "recovered" so I could be happy with this person and with all others whom I love. This is a completely ridiculous thought, though. While I would love to be "recovered," and definitely still have some progress to make, focusing on how far I am from where I want to be distracts me from the beautiful soul I am today and all the progress I have made thus far. It also takes away from the fact that I am not my eating disorder, just as you all are not your adversities or imperfections. Yes, I would love to completely stop bingeing, but the fact that I binge about four times a week now is MUCH better than when I used to have a behavior four times a day. I am who I am TODAY. I will not just wake up one day and be able to say, "Oh wow, I am recovered!" No, progress is made slowly over time, and loving myself along the way will make the journey that much more fulfilling.
3. Make a list of things you are thankful for. This suggestion for staying positive is told to others often, but it truly is one of the most important things to do when seeking to keep a healthy perspective. For me, having a list of things I am thankful for to refer back to when I am feeling down makes all the difference. I try to start my mornings off each morning by writing down five things I am thankful for. When I am able to recognize and remember all of the blessings I have in my life, it is easier to keep a positive attitude and approach every situation with gratitude and humility.
4. Add positivity to the lives of others. This is my absolute favorite thing to do while trying to stay positive myself. God has blessed me with a huge heart, and helping others reminds me of this blessing. I love seeing others smile, achieve their goals, and feel like they matter in this world. Because they do! You all do -- we all have a special, unique purpose in this world, but we often forget how loved and valued we are. Reminding others of their value through lending a helping hand, sharing a smile, or offering advice is a great way to connect with your own personal sense of value.
5. Make time for self-love. We live in a society today that correlates down-time with laziness and teaches us that to be productive and successful, we must constantly be doing something significant. NOT TRUE. Falling into the trap of perpetual movement only leads to exhaustion, stress, and negative emotions. Taking a small amount of time every day to do something that truly makes you happy -- a nice bubble bath, break-dancing in your kitchen, coloring a picture, watching a TV show, etc -- will not only increase "feel-good" chemicals in your brain, but will also increase productivity in that you will be less stressed the rest of the day.
I hope these tips/little bits of advice are helpful. Ultimately, find what works for you, and roll with it. Life sucks sometimes, but it can be so beautiful as well. We have to live it either way, so why not do all we can to make it the most positive experience possible? I pray that you all have a wonderful week and as always, thanks for reading!
P.S. These past three posts have had a lot to do with my ED and mental patterns. If you guys have any suggestions as to what I should write about in future posts, or things you'd like to hear from me, let me know! I love feedback! Again, I really appreciate your support!