We’ve all experienced pre-race, or pre-performance nerves.
The feeling of standing at the starting line, arms jittery, legs shaking to avoid going numb.
The intense sensation of one’s own heartbeat pounding through the walls of a chest about to burst.
The thoughts, a multitude of them, running through one’s mind faster than the athletes of the event before.
“Can I really do this?”
“What if I fail?”
“Am I as prepared as my other competitors?”
“Will I live up to the expectations in my head?”
Given
the commencement of the Girl’s IHSA State Meet this morning, it is only
appropriate that I dedicate my last blog post to the anxiety that often
accompanies racing at top-level competitions.
In high school, I was blessed enough to compete at the state meet both years
(as a Freshman and Junior my
eating disorder sidelined me as a Sophomore and Senior) my eating disorder sidelined me as a Sophomore and Senior) I participated in Track and Field. Though it’s been a while since I’ve raced, I can remember being a nervous wreck before each of my events. Running at the state level was exciting and gratifying, but it was also overwhelming. There is an undeniable pressure surrounding the “this is it” race - the race to work towards all season, and the one that propels the soul forward during the most excruciating of training workouts. For me, and for many, the “this is it” race is a reflection of the success of one’s season and status as a runner. Failure is absolutely terrifying, and nerves accumulate because of this.
Looking back now, with five state medals hiding in a random drawer somewhere in my house and my 3200m personal record five minutes faster than my current running potential, I laugh at the nerves of my former self. After all I have been through, especially recovery, it is silly to me that I used to get anxious and frightened over how I would perform at a track meet. Yes, some nerves are a good thing, but the extent to which I psyched myself out was extreme. At the root of my nerves, I believed that if I didn’t perform well, people would judge me and I would be less worthy of a person.
I’m not trying to make the shine of the State Meet less lustrous for those of you reading this who have qualified, I personally congratulate you and commend you for the hard work, discipline, and determination it takes to reach such a high level. My hope is that you recognize that this experience is all just part of the journey of life, and that you treat it as such. There is nothing more you can do than to give your best in the moment; however, your best in this moment is not necessarily a reflection of your potential as a runner and is certainly not a reflection of who you are as a person. Running, like life, is a journey. The beauty of the sport is in the resilience, perseverance, and determination found in its competitors. I never dreamt I would be where I am at in my running journey today. I would love to be running a sub-17 5K as I expected by now for a Division 1 team, but life sometimes gets in the way. I am ever so happy to be running 8-minute miles and making slow and steady progress. Anyone can show up on a given day and run a fast time. Someone will always be faster than you. But your journey as an athlete will always be yours and your successes and setbacks unique and special to you. I hope that you take this experience that you have been blessed with and make your mark on the day- have fun with friends, show good sportsmanship, meet new people, enjoy watching amazing athletes, and run/throw/hurdle your hardest.
After that, no matter how the day turns out, celebrate and move on. Running is just a portion of your life, after all. It is a blessing that can be taken away at any second, and I pray that you enjoy it while you can and work hard, but also invest in developing your character and other talents.
It’s been such a pleasure to blog for you over the past few months- I am forever grateful to you all for this opportunity to share my story and insights and I hope you have enjoyed my posts. Happy running and happy living, friends.